Ryan-sometimes i sit for 5 minutes wondering I wonder if anyone reads the fucking things
Ryan-i think they do. i check EVERYONE's
Amber-sometimes i will try my hardest to say something witty just to be made into an away message.
Ryan-Is there a 12 step program for this?
Amber-There might be. We should look into it.
No sexual act is abnormal except that which cannot be performed.
carebearpunk18: unless you are in the witness protection program, he will always be there! and you always have me too! we can spoon with b, misty, and mr. pig!
rylie023: lol
This place is crawling with annoyance.
-Me...at the Underground
I like my beer cold...my TV loud...and my homosexuals flaming. --Homer Simpson
You without a shirt on...in those Billy Bob teeth...lmao.
Ryan's comments on when I took off my bra and she looked over.
Theoretically, if they both fell off the boat, how would they get back on? Swim after the boat and ask them to pull over?
John, on the Titanic scene where Rose is going to jump.
When I gave the person back their change I said Here's 4 bones because he looked like the type who would use that word.
What? I'm itching my crotch...I can't be bothered with you. I have a little pee residue left over.
A friend, in all her glory.
No, I do not have a boyfriend. But there is a guy out there who would be mad if he heard me say that.
You would let another man drive your car? I would never let another man drive my motherfucking car! That's my Pinto!! Now I know he shouldn't have killed her, but I understand. I'm not moving back with my Momma cuz you ain't in love. You gonna have to DIE!!!
And I know you believe that you and me don't belong here And the worst we could do is keep trying to pretend we care
-Wallflowers
He wears ugly shit like checkers...looks over at John, who is wearing checkers...oh, sorry.
A friend on wardrobes.
Right there in the cleft of the buttcheek...it's a little crusty.
-John
So I am trying to sleep and Ryan turns on the light and I look away and she says,"You're like a cockroach. When the light is on you scatter."
Go Cubs!!!! I love Chicago!!!
rylie023: fuck, I cuss too much. you know that?
November 1993 she was wearing the same dress. Does she always wear only the one dress, or does she have a closet full of them like Superman?
carebearpunk18: the raping apparently frightened him
rylie023: we need to ease him into this slowly, amber
rylie023: patience :D
carebearpunk18: lol
carebearpunk18: What a LOSER!
rylie023: I wish an elephant would fuck him in the ass
carebearpunk18: Can I sue the Air Force for allowing one of their people to torture the hell out of me?
rylie023: it's a possibility I believe they call it..."emotional distress"
rylie023: Um...why are we the only ones that watch ESPN in the IMU?
rylie023: Ever wonder that?
rylie023: NO girl ever sits in that area.
carebearpunk18: lol....I dunno.
carebearpunk18: Maybe we're secretly looking for men, or the fact that we used to be athletes and sports interest us.
rylie023: Or we could be men..
carebearpunk18: I didn't want to say that, but yes...lol.
carebear: Ryan's on FIRE!
rylie: *does a dance* "the fall of duffy" just like the summer of costanza
He's about to get some of that first-class pussy.
John, on the Titanic.
You know those jumpsuits that ghetto people wear? Well a bunch of frat guys came into the store and bought them for a "ghetto" party, but it didn't happen so a week later they all returned them. When this one guy brought his back I looked at him and said Ghetto party huh? And he was like no I'm just returning it.
My grandma told me that she cried when she had an orgasm for the first time. Then I go "Well, I could never have anal sex." Grandma goes "Oh, if you loved someone you would!"
-a friend
Nice fake hooters BITCH!
Ryan, while watching I'm a Beauty Queen on MTV.
Ryan-Amber, I need a hug.
Amber-~*hug*~
Ryan-No, a real one where I can fondle you.
rylie023: RAWR
rylie023: *humps you*
carebearpunk18: Almost ready to come down and spoon, I mean wash our intimates, mingled lovingly in the stench of the communal washer?
Kobe didn't do it-I raped the stupid bitch!
This is why I am going to become a lesbian. He is making me queer. I'm going to stop pining over him and start licking pussies.
A friend (who shall remain anonymous), on her sexuality.
rylie023: i wanna go home..and have a boyfriend there...go to IUN and work at McDonalds with my boyfriend
Amber-Don't you do anything that you don't remember?
Ryan-No, but I do remember taking a piss in the shower.
Moon pies are like caviar for rednecks.
John, on snack foods.
Wait, you've seen her naked too? It's like I'm Buzz Aldrin and you're Neil Armstrong and I turn around for a sip of Tang and you jump out first!
ALMIGHTY O1: hm i need something sweet to write
carebearpunk18: your eyes are like a golden sunrise in tahiti?
Ryan-Where are those napkins? I need to wipe my butt.
Amber-Here they are. We're done being frugal.
Ryan (singing)-I must be sleeping...
Amber(laughing)-Or singing off-key.
John: "You don't know what that is? 2 in the pink, 1 in the stink. (looks at Amber)...and Amber rolls over like it's old hat."
And these are thongs so I'm afraid how they're going to look being so up close and personal to that fart.
-A friend on panties and gas
Ryan- Like, I couldn't go out with guy who was REALLY physically fit and I wasn't because I'd feel gross. Could you, Amber?
Amber- What, have sex?
Ryan-Mr. Pig has crotch itch. Its normal. Okay, now I have crotch itch.
"Men don't have platonic friends. We just have women we haven't fucked YET. As soon as I figure this out, I'm in there! I mean, we've got some platonic friend...but oh no...they're all by accident. Every platonic friend I've got is some woman I was trying to fuck, took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in the friend-zone. Oh no! I'm in the friend-zone! Do you know what a platonic friend is to a woman? It's like a dick in a glass case. In case of emergency, break open glass. Fellas, your woman has platonic friends? That's who she'll be fuckin' when you mess up. She'll be crying 'I can't believe this happened. I'm so glad you're here.' You know the next man to fuck your woman. You've met him. He's been to your house, ate your food, drank your wine.. And he shall betray you." -Chris Rock
carebearpunk18: And you know you want to watch Amber TV
ChrisJMowery: second best to the playboy channel
ChrisJMowery: :-D
All of my dreams consist of pornos and Amber. –John
rylie023: i feel so powerless
carebearpunk18: lol
rylie023: lol backwards is still lol
Amber: Go! Go! Go!
John: It was a replay...
Is that made of rosemary and lavender? (me)
What are you, a scent doctor? (Ryan)
No, but I don't really care for either and it smells like that. (me)
No, its made out of almond oil, olive oil, and beeswax *pause*, you fucker, lavender and rosemary. How did you know? (Ryan)
*hysterical cackling*
rylie023: i wish i were home
rylie023: and skinny
rylie023: and eating cheeseburgers
shit if i had a choice right now between tossing a salad and the electric chair i would be like where do you plug it in? shouldn't i be wet?
rylie023: *humps you softly*
carebearpunk18: hehe
carebearpunk18: *HUMPS BACK HARD*
No Soup for You!!! I didn't get any bread with mine. Let it go George. But I want bread with mine. You want bread? $3!!! Come back one year.
"Why are we talking about giving head?"
-"Ryan started it!"
This sucks more than anything that has sucked before. We must find this butthole who
took our TV. Come Beavis.
rylie023: Why didn't Superman save the kids from the burning building?
rylie023: He's in a fucking wheelchair.
Ryan-I'm taking my sweater home.
Amber-It's not your's.
Ryan-Uh, yes it is.
Amber-Oh.
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries far behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me O:-)
Brian-You can't pick up someone in a sorority and stab someone with them!
Amber-You can if they're skinny enough.
Carebearpunk18: i want to shower but all these girls are in there..lol
rylie023: showering?
carebearpunk18: no, they are having a tea party in the handicap stall
rylie023: tell him to go fuck a goat
carebearpunk18: lol
rylie023: or...whatever animal is in abundance in Texas
rylie023: what's ugly about her?
carebearpunk18: Her face comes to mind.
rylie023: LOL
I'm glad my sexual problems helped you to get a new wardrobe. Me, to Ryan after a guest speaker.
Ryan: I can't believe how white my teeth are.
Amber: And all bubbly
Mel: That's nice. Mine are getting yellower.
Amber: Well, from one extreme to the next.
Robert: So you’re neutered?
Me: Shut up!
Robert: That reminds me, I talked to my mom today….
Robert: I just want to be with you.
Me: I want to be with you too. Rebel rebel Bitch bitch.
Robert: What?
Me: Nothing *laughs*
Robert: Backspace.
Me: I love you.
Robert: No you don’t.
Me: Do too. I never say anything I don’t mean.
Robert: You mean like when you say you hate me?
Me: Can I get a pet raccoon?
Ryan: If you do, I’ll break up with you.
Me: At least I’ll have the pet raccoon though.
Me: I’m not wasting my money on a pregnancy test.
Ryan: I’ll buy you one.
Me: Fuck that. I want jewelry.
Ryan: I’ll buy you that too.
Me: I mean, what am I going to do? Wear the pregnancy test around my neck-This is what my boyfriend got me. Hyuck.
Me: I’m going to pretend to be pregnant.
Kelly: And then I can be like ‘Have sympathy…My girlfriend is pregnant with my baby’.
Me: I’m seriously going to pouch out my belly and when someone asks if I am, I’m going to be really bitchy and say no.
Kelly: So you’re going to purposely look pregnant and then get pissed if someone asks if you are.
Me: Yep.
amp33085: Just don't be like Melanie
rylie 023: brush my teeth with cottonballs?
rylie 023: And by the way...I can't be like Melanie...I'm about to shower ;D
Good Friends are like Stars....You don't always see them, but you know they are always there. O:-)
Me-I think you have an aggressive behavior. It includes manipulation, intimidation, accusations, and perhaps fighting. There is little or no regard for other peoples feelings.
Ryan-So they have a name for my behavior now? Me-Yes, previously it was just bitch.
ChrisJMowery: and i'm in the subprofile
ChrisJMowery: so
ChrisJMowery: hmph
Ryan: "I think the cool squad were talking about us when we went in."
Me: "Yeah, they were."
John: "Why didn't you tell me sooner? I could have judged them."
-Night at the Underground
I remember back in the day I was singing Coolio 'Gangsta's Paradise' and my Dad looked at my mom and said "We should get her voice lessons. She's pretty good."
rylie 023: i was just curious
amp33085: Sometimes I think your curiosity will be the death of you
Me-Where's Misty?
Ryan-I dunno.
Me-Oh, here she is. That damn doll is so elusive. She always disappears. Like she grows legs and walks away.
Ryan-But she already has legs.
Me-Yeah, but they'd be functioning now.
If you rolled down that hill you'd die for sure. But, it would be fun.
Kiel, on carrying me on his back with a vacuum cleaner back to Wright.
Me-Who's this?
Ryan-Faggot...Has Chris been online?
Carebearpunk18: i want to shower but all these girls are in there..lol
rylie023: showering?
carebearpunk18: no, they are having a tea party in the handicap stall
Me: Would you be offended if I bought you a hearing aid for Christmas?
Ryan: Bitch.
Me: I'm serious.
Me: If I say he's ugly, you won't like him anymore.
Ryan: Yeah, that's right. Once they like me, I don't like them.
Me: You want them to like you, but as soon as they do, you break their heart.
"I'm Matt Nathanson and I'm here for you tonight, I'm here no matter what you need: backrubs, footrubs, rock n' roll, sex.....hott sex. I'm your hott sex maker."
What's cooler than being ice?
Ice Cold!
What I said while on the phone with Kiel.
rylie 023: God, I need to go to school before I poke my eyes out with icepicks
rylie 023: Like...I'm doing stupid grooming stuff because I'm bored...you know the drill...washing face, putting white strips on teeth...flossing...
amp33085: Which means he's miserable b/c he's trying to convince himself he doesn't love you...And fuck long distance
rylie 023: hahah
amp33085: We're limiting ourselves to Indiana guys, got it? Close preferably.
Me: Let me have a drink. (talking about sparkling grape juice)
Ryan: Get a cup. You sucked a dick last night.
Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.
Lisa Simpson
A sign you're online too much: Your roommate says something funny and you look at her and go "LOL." Yeppers, I am a loser. Its official now, as if it weren't before. :-D
rylie 023: i've got a love train for you...when I start throwing shit at you
amp33085: why are you throwing shit?
rylie 023: because it's a love train
No, my drivers license DOES NOT say "munchkin", even if they are hot!!! :-P
Me, holding up a box of pencils- Mirado Pencils.
Ryan, looking at me funny.
Me-Mirado Pencils are like my Manolo Blahniks.
Insane laugher follows.
"Men don't have platonic friends. We just have women we haven't fucked YET. As soon as I figure this out, I'm in there! I mean, we've got some platonic friend...but oh no...they're all by accident. Every platonic friend I've got is some woman I was trying to fuck, took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in the friend-zone. Oh no! I'm in the friend-zone! Do you know what a platonic friend is to a woman? It's like a dick in a glass case. In case of emergency, break open glass. Fellas, your woman has platonic friends? That's who she'll be fuckin' when you mess up. She'll be crying 'I can't believe this happened. I'm so glad you're here.' You know the next man to fuck your woman. You've met him. He's been to your house, ate your food, drank your wine.. And he shall betray you." -Chris Rock
Ryan-Kill me, Kill me now. I want a swift and painful death.
Me-Painful?
Ryan-Yes, swift and painful.
Me-Well then that's what you're getting for Christmas!
rylie 023: it gives me great joy...you listening to the cd I made you
rylie 023: you make me so proud
All I can say is that my life is very plain...I like watching the puddles gather rain....%t
I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie
I have my freedom but I don't have much time
Faith has been broken, tears must be cried
Let's do some living after we die
Wild horses couldn't drag me away
Wild, wild horses, we'll ride them some day
-Rolling Stones [Wild Horses]
TV-But he died tragically in 1998...
Ryan-When he flew into a tree...I wanna see what your Aunt got you...
Me-And his profile is empty now.
Ryan-Empty, just like his soul, sucked out by depression.
Ryan: Why wouldn't he go out with you?
Me: I don't know.
Ryan: Are his standards high?
Ryan: What if I go and they're like 'God, his daughter's ugly'?
Me: Well, they can always be like 'At least it's just his stepdaughter'.
Ryan: I don't think he tells them that.
There's this guy who always is sooooo unkempt looking, and Ryan goes, "Would you ever go out with a guy like that?" and I said "No, I can't date someone that unkempt", and then I go "And you shouldn't be wearing a shirt that says 'Goofy' on it unless its followed by the word looking if you look like he does..."
happiness is like peeing your pants...everyone can see it but not everyone can see its true warmth
You know, there's a point in a relationship, with a person, y'know, where its irrepairable. There's this thing, you're like "We can fix this, we can make this better". It's very WB, your emotions, you know? And you're feeling super-Dawson's Creek, and you're just fuckin' lovin it... And you're like "Dude, what we've got, we can salvage".. And you use words like salvage. So anyways, this is a song about a girl who I thought, "We can make this better"... but I was wrong. And there are subsequent songs that are like... "You know what, go fuck yourself". But this is a song about her, and its called "We'll Recover". -Matt Nathanson
Alright, so we were watching the video for Dido's song White Flag and Ryan goes "David Boreanaz...I didn't know he was in this show...I mean movie." And I go..."You mean video?"
carebearpunk18: unless you are in the witness protection program, he will always be there! and you always have me too! we can spoon with b, misty, and mr. pig!
rylie023: lol
Ryan: I hope you're getting your money's worth
John: Well actually...your money. I was digging around in your change purse for $.41."
Me-"I'm sending you an e-mail."
Rylie-"Is it a forward that says I'm gonna die tonight if I don't send it to other people?
Me-"It is."
BrOkEnAnGeL33085: and dont forget your huge knockers
amp33085: you thought robert was stupid? this guy is up there...i can't imagine him making a sale
I threw Ryan lotion and told her to smell it.
Ryan: "What am I smelling?"
Me: "Um...lotion. But your ass if you want to."
Ryan-"Save those salt packets and napkins."
Me-"Wow, we're so frugal."
Me: "How about we join the American Indian Student Association?"
Ryan: "What? I thought you just said you wanted to molest me with a knife..."
Me-"I seriously can't move around here... I'm stuck on my bed. I need a chamber pot."
Ryan-"What's a chamber pot?"
Me-"You know, in the Medieval days...a pot that you piss and shit in, and then throw out the window."
Her (singing Staind): I must be sleeping...
Me: Or singing off key...
Me, laughing
Ryan: "What?"
Me: "Your breath."
Ryan: There’s a difference between being fat and being fat and wearing a cartoon on your chest. I don’t know why people have the inclination to wear cartoons on their chest when they’re fat.
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chipper